Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas surprise

I started this blog just around a week ago and today I have a delightful surprise for you. There are free X-rated pictures and video downloads on the Lolitas Bangkok website. Just go to the Join for free page and enjoy!

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Blowjob bars: the putrid act of kissing

I am constantly horrified to see farang men coming into my favourite blowjob bar and actually kissing the girls. Do they not realise how putrid the sight is or where these girls' mouths have been for the past eight hours? It almost puts me off my Heineken every time!

As one bargirl said to the other:
"It's going to be a busy night tonight!". "How can you tell?" said her friend. "Because I can smell cock in the air," replied the first. "Sorry", her friend replied," but I've just burped!"

Friday, December 23, 2005

Blowjob Market Share

In the wake of a sudden increase in the sexual indices, a reliable source on the Thai bourse announced on Wednesday that a pre-Christmas blitz has been taking hold, showing an astonishing uplift in this market segment.

Extensions to bar licences have so far not been granted even though one analyst saw it as a 'favoured method' in spurring on an overall economic drive. "Although November saw a promising jump in the age 45-50 demographic, many ageing divorcees arrived with the expectation of receiving an immediate source of relief from what has been described as a 'depressing year' in both Europe and America."


This historically fluid market reached its climax last week, heavily
stimulating the privates sector: and this month alone has witnessed more than a million bar girls drafted down from Isaan to cope with what has been described as 'edifying demand'.

But although demand has remained high, the supply just can't keep up with it. As a result, queues are forming around the bars this yuletide, fuelling what is known as 'limp market expansion'.


"Overall, it's an extremely dry market. I myself haven't had a blowjob in hours," said one disgruntled customer outside a Patpong bar.
"They are just taking too long to cum and scram," he added.

For many of these orally disenfranchised men though, a hand-to-mouth wait in the heat of the moment is a thoroughly frustrating experience. One source recently said: "I only hope we can find a compromise between paying lip-service to this industry and the attempts by others to hide the service away."

Thailand bar girl: ten cliches

Here are ten Thailand bar girl cliches that are more or less true:
  1. Previously divorced from drunken and jealous Thai husband who regularly beat her up;
  2. Following that, worked in a pitifully low-wage, menial job for 70-80 hours a week;
  3. Was driven to Bangkok from Isaan by the lack of money;
  4. Her mother takes care of her children;
  5. Likes to drink, hang out with friends, flirt and 'go with farang' for money;
  6. Sends cash back home to mama each month;
  7. Command of English is remarkable for only three years of formal education;
  8. Lacks interest in even considering other types of work;
  9. Wakes up very late very day and watches Thai soap operas until it's time to go to work;
  10. Eats nothing but noodles from nearby stalls.

Cheating by denial

While frowned upon by the liberal feminist fraternity, oral sex should be ritually practiced each and every morning by one's fair spouse. Failure to comply does of course mean that cheating will inevitably come into play.

Instead of the nornal rule that the man has actually
broken his vows, she, the wife, is really the one actually cheating on him - cheating in the sense of never having oral sex with him. It is this abnegation of filial duty that compels her man to look for a bar girl who will.

By this willful act of denial, she effectively confirms that she never truly loved him since the very beginning of their relationship - hence she was always the one cheating on him by marrying him under false pretences.

Imagine: your wife runs out of your bedroom spitting sperm all over the new carpet you've worked your ass off to buy for her. Or, even worse, she spits your sperm into your favourite string pants! This is exactly the same sentiment as if you ate her wretchedly over-cooked evening meal and ran gagging to the bathroom to thow it up over the cat.

Or imagine you take the finest bottle of Merlot to a friend's house and that friend gags on it and spits it out before even tasting it - let alone savouring it - into a ready-made spitoon right in front of you...How would you feel? Would you buy red wine again?


Any husband who refuses to go down on his wife cheats on her, because to truly enjoy her is love in abandon. Likewise, a
ny wife who refuses to enjoy a vigourous early morning munch, or fails to delight in the feeling of warm, fresh sperm splashing on to her tongue, is cheating on him with empty words of love.

And any wife refusing to have a labial lick performed by her husband clearly refuses to surrender her feminine self. The same, vice versa: a husband refusing to allow a wife to enjoy his sperm by giving him regular oral sex, actively refuses to give her his love.

So, a husband who cheats by these acts of denial is in fact morally bound to find a bar girl outside of his marriage: only the single experience of true female love, beyond money and material wealth - the early morning bj - will make him stay.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Farang ladies: the perfect blowjob

Farang ladies, have you ever taken the time to consider how much you're missing out on? Ever done it before? There comes a time in everyone's life when you should quit worrying about being so PC and start to learn - a possible lesson that could bring the TRT (governing party in Thailand) in for another four years...

This article is about the venerable subject of farang ladies swallowing cum and the lessons they can learn from the Thais. I'd like to freely admit here that a woman blowing or jacking off a man in the last seconds of his existence on her bare breasts, ass or whatever, is a beautific and natural daily occurrence here.

Let's admit it, most of us just love watching porn, particularly the pulling out of orifices for that majestic "cum shot". As a result, most of us associate this revered, awesome orgasm with that of cumming on a lady's breasts, face, tummy or ass, or whatever else we have in mind, and stroke off to the image. Why indeed not? It seems splendid to me.

Out here, it's such a turn-on to see the
warm love juice of your hard labour on petite, nubile breasts and luscious mouths. So much so, the single-most asked question of guys who visit this country is: do you swallow? ["Khun glern, mai"]. Shallow, maybe, but we're talking about a BJ bar for godsakes. Of course they feckin' glern! It's their job.

And, sweetly, after we cum in her mouth, we tend to slowly pull away and relax. Conveniently, there's always a nice cold cloth placed on our shaft and scrotum while we recuperate from the experience.

Just remember: patience, passion, proper pressure, variety of moves on your member and the swallowing of cum is a mere $20. Do it every day!

Giving the ultimate blowjob

It is often thought out here that farangs think three feet below they should; maybe the cock represents about 50% of their ego. So Thai chicks make their 'Man in Bangkok' smile from the half-level.

A Thai lady recognises that she must completely and thoroughly adore her man's cock. That's cash! And when I say adore, I don't mean she just lightly licks it, she takes the whole feckin' member into her willing hot mouth and devours it, sucking it hard. She blows you to her own betrayal, squirming on the feeling of her family honour deep in her throat.

We all know whether a bird likes blowing you or not. Farang birds just go through the motions; but the enthusiasm of the Thai lady is complete: she is passionate about giving head; she goes for it with gusto; she turns us on so incredibly that we come away saying: "I've just come by and been blown away!".

And when the tourist leaves and goes back to his hideously depressing bedsit in Rotherham, or somewhere similar - not even able to shag a 50-year-old desperado - each and every night he religiously remembers to masturbate about the bar he visited in Thailand.

How a Thai lady likes it

She grabs your cock tenderly and sucks it hard, making purring, moaning noises when she takes it into her mouth. She gets it wet. We all love sloppy-slurpy-juicy blowjobs, now don't we. The saliva heats up with friction and it really turn us on.

She masters cock. Lying in the lounge room between your legs, she uses one hand to stroke your balls, up and down your thighs and nipples, and holds your cock in her mouth so that she can guide it carefully grind away.
She sucks your balls lovingly.

Men don't usually get a lot of attention to their balls but Thai ladies love to gently stroke them and suck them by taking one into your mouth at a time, tongueing it then moving to the other one.

You will see how much enjoyment is derived from this attention: they use their tongue horizontally to access the vein and feel you gasp again.


For a BJ bar, it's almost imperative they use their tongue a lot. The flicking and wagging of it using good pressure is extremely pleasurable to us all.
Twirling it around the head one way, than the other, brings us all to gasps, moans and finally a very worthy night.

Back to Rotherham, extremely satisfied. Then what?

Blowjob tonight or tomorrow?

Morning Practice
Now, without wanting to be sexist, I have found that the gagging reflex doesn't really apply to Thai birds. They seem to thrive on giving a man a blowjob when they first wake up. Unlike their farang counterparts, they do like to practice their morning duty with vigour. And the good thing is that there is never even a hint of gagging.

Let's face it, most of us are never going to argue with starting the day by getting our dicks sucked, now are we - especially after a night out on the beer and a little immobile downstairs at the end of the night. When sobered up in the morning, Vitamin S not only
provides their breakfast but a real sanctuary of relief, especially when your Thai lady swallows every molecule of your semen.

Deep Shooting
When a Thai beauty has your cock in her mouth, she never knows when you're about to blow your load. But does she care? No, she awaits it, eagerly!

This is the time when you should thrust forward, taking your dick as far down her throat as you can without suffocating her. She will swallow as much as your jizz as she can; when it hits the back of her throat, she just continues sucking until you're empty. It's her breakfast, for feck's sake!

Don't forget, there's a marginal cost to all this - Thai birds are notoriesly far from 'stoopid' when it comes to relieving farangs of their wealth. Just do the beers and the BJ - forget the love factor.

Do not fall in love; it's very easy: we're here for the ride.